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Because my camera phone is so shitty, but that is not a problem I created.

I'm back in Japan. Once we landed, all these people in stylish blue hazmat suits rolled in and took everyone's temperature. Apparently anyone with a fever would be sent back and not admitted into Japan because of the swine flu. What the fuck. The regular flu kills all sorts of people.

And I'm sure a bunch of promiscuous girls who are hot as fuck, HIV positive, love to bone on their periods, and hate using any sort of birth control is a greater health risk than the fucking swine flu. Shit delayed our schedules for an hour.

I've been watching that Hi it's Vince with Slap Chop video repeatedly, and I got to thinking, that's great that back in the day, "people" solved their problems not by shooting each other but by having dance competitions, but let's be honest: that shit didn't get them out of the ghetto. And obviously they weren't the best role models because... the current generation of those kids are in gangs. At least present-day gangsters can have some cool bling for a while, until they are incarcerated. And because everyone is getting incarcerated, it's just like home, except with better supervision and food. So it's just a bunch of dudes hanging out, and in the end, it works out for them.

On the bus home I saw this rather large girl riding a bicycle with her ass hanging out, and it reminded me of this:
In Japan, nobody shows cleavage. You may think you are clever and think to yourself, "That is because Japanese girls don't have cleavage!" Well that is true for the most part, but even girls with racks that rival those of the hottest girls in your high school class hide their titties like a presidential candidate will hide his Jewish ancestry.

A month or so ago, I was walking and there was a girl bent over petting a dog in this arcade (the passageway, not where you play Street Figther II) and her ass was hanging out, no thong, no nothing. It was hot.

But anyway, people were walking by staring like she was sitting there rubbing her pussy and having multiple orgasms. Squirting.

k question: If you are "banging" a girl, are you 1) fingering her or 2) fucking her???

     

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I_was_going_to_apologize..zip (337 KB)

Last day in California. </3

k so even though I can watch YouTube videos in Japan, I have been wasting all sorts of time watching video up in this bitch. My three favorites right NOW:
1. Puke in my Mouth (Jizz in my Pants parody)


2. Hi it's Vince with Slap Chop


3. Auto-Tune the News #2


Yesterday, I went to the hardware store and saw a machete for sale. When I was a kid I wanted a machete so badly. They were $9.99 at Orchard Supply, and I never understood why my parents wouldn't buy me a machete, considering it was so inexpensive. Then this dude, Anthony, said he'd get me a machete for my birthday. We talked about machetes for weeks, and come my birthday party... no machete. What the fuck. I distinctly remember him laughing, and asking if I actually thought he was for real.

What the fuck. I only invited him to my birthday party cause I wanted a machete nobody liked him.

On another birthday, a friend promised me a hamster, and I remembered the trauma I went through with the machete so I didn't get my hopes up, but he did actually get me a hamster. That was a sick present. Until it escaped from the fortress I created and ran away.

When I was a kid I thought the key to happiness was having a phone, radio, and TV in your room. I had the trifecta back in the day, but it's a little sad that at 25, I have the tiniest TV, and it's not even fucking LCD, and no radio. In an alternate universe, the 10 year old me is crying for myself.

I like how sunny California is not so sunny. I want to tan.

Today I got a medical exam, and at the office a dude joked, "You have a fancy computer! It even has a built-in printer!" referring to a typewriter. See, that shit might be funny coming from an eight year old, but the dude was 40 or so. Even I used typewriters back in the day. (And every day at work).

And for the eye test, they have you take two vision tests, one with contacts, one without. They provide a contact lens case for you to use. Only problem is, everyone else uses it. That is like sharing toilet paper. Not the roll, but the actual paper.

I am back in California.

I have three complaints:
1. People sitting behind you in an airplane who use your seat back to get up. WHAT THE FUCK? How fucking subhuman are these shitheads who think that this is ok?
2. The fact that "U.S. Citizens and Permanent Citizens this way --->" is written in English... and Spanish.
3. The genius who thought that this is an ok parking job.

I have three non-complaints (I complain so much I don't even know the word for this):
1. I took a nice drive today, and that was, well, nice.
2. I am drinking Lagunitas IPA, and my coworkers are working. And it's only 11am back in Japan, so they have many hours to go until quitting time.
3. I cannot wait to see my nigs and <333s.

Holla.

Don't you hate when you're taking a leak, and spit... right on your dick? That is getting the degrading part of a beej without the good part, and you are doing it to yourself, so it's pretty much the equivalent of dating a guy with a propensity towards domestic violence, but it's ok because "it's only when he drinks."

Today I was tired so slept until 7, an hour later than usual, and wouldn't you know it there was not a soul in the bathroom, which is why I wake up early in the first place. Nice. I even had time to jerk off and write this post.

We went hiking!

Holla.

I've been eating a lot beef jerky lately because it is a delicious, low calorie snack. After working out today I was hanging out eating beef jerky, and was thinking how beef jerky could be made out of anything and you'd never really know. So my warning to you is don't eat beef jerky from China because they will fucking try and get away with anything as long as it saves them 5 cents so you'll probably end up eating people jerky. They probably have more people than cats in that country.

One of the things that really bothers me about Japan is the slippers. I fucking hate slippers. I understand the whole taking off your shoes in the house thing because why the fuck would you wear your shoes inside your house, but why the fuck do I have to wear slippers? I don't know how many nugs have been all up in there. I mean, it's not so bad at someone's house, because the number of disgusting individuals who have previously footed those slippers can't be too high, but in places like the hospital, what the flying fuck. It's all gross, sick people.

Oh I lied another thing I wanted to complain about Japan is the fact that I have been busting my ass five times a week at the gym trying to get thin. Two months ago my pants were so tight that as soon as I got to work and sat down I'd take off my belt and undo the button to my pants. Now I rock the second notch on my belt, which is where I was when I wore a size 30 waist. I'm pretty proud of myself, but people will hear about my gym going (cause I am known as one of the fat kids) and will touch my stomach like I am fucking Buddha, and will remark that I need to take care of myself. I now know what it is like to be one of the fat kids. Sam, I am sorry I teased you in third grade.

Holly asks, "Why is your mouth open in every pic?" Let me address this question because I have been asked this a bunch of times, a bunch of times being about twice. It is my best photograph face. It makes me look like someone who is fun, while drinking responsibly, and has a fine appreciation for music, art, and literature. Holly, you make the same face in every pic too you know.

I bought new shoes, for the gym, because everyone wears stylish shoes and I felt left out. In eighth grade, I was really into track, and had these sweet bright yellow track shoes, with equally sweet blue spikes. Back in eighth grade was probably when girls liked me the most, which is really sad once you think about it. I tried to find a picture of them, but I failed. They look like Picture 1, but were more neon yellow and obnoxious. If I were back in California I could scan a pic, or if my mom knew how to operate something more complicated than a garage door opener I could have her scan it, but yeah no. But the thing is, pictures can be found on Google for anything except really cool shit. I mean, someone probably has nudes of The Tiz when she was 18, but that's probably not going to be found Googling "nudes of The Tiz when was 18." Those shoes are like that.

Picture 2 is what I purchased today. It is kind of sad how I can no longer stunt as hard as I did when I was 15.

One of the new guys that moved into the dorm is really good looking, and whenever I am around him I feel like a 15 year old girl.

Uh... am I gay?

   

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It_was_really_hot_today_and_I_.zip (141 KB)

What it do.

Picture 1: This girl and I were discussing yakiniku over lunch one day, and decided that we should get some heads together for grilled meats and beer. We wanted to go to one of the best yakiniku restaurants around, SORA, but space is limited, like any space, except space, and we figured the maximum number of nugs is 10. Sent out a message over the company intranetz and apparently we are popular because more and more people heard about this non-event and wanted in.

We changed the event to a "Flower See," it being cherry blossom season and all.

Picture 2: Osaka Castle Park is a nice spot to "Flower See." I made it rain like a muh fucka by shaking branches like Hurricane Katrina.

Picture 3: My boy Shu came down from Nagoya, and fucker got ridiculously sloppy. Which is how things should be. We haven't seen him in months.

Picture 4: The guy in the glasses is retarded, in a good way. Was #1 in Japan for crew one year in college, college being a good seven years for him. He was somehow employed at our company without having officially graduated, and I don't really know what happened, but HR found out, and so he was sent back to school, every Friday. And he just graduated this March. That must feel nice to have a Bachelor's at the ripe age of 25.

Picture 5: Guchi could barely talk when I arrived, and that was what, 8:30??? Haha.

Picture 6: As you can see, "Flower See" is not really about the flowers at all. It is just an excuse to get a bunch of people together for krunk. While the blue tarp was nice, the wet spots were the absolute worst ok

Picture 7: No comment.

Picture 8: You want to hear some misfortunes? Regular readers of The World may recall my misfortunes of a girl pwning me and breaking off a date. I figured I should give it another shot, so I asked her out again (well technically we made plans a long time ago), and because I thought we'd be going out, I declined a skiing invitation. A few days beforehand, I holla, and she says, "Oh sorry. I'm going out with friends from college. How about next week. For LUNCH." FML.

Well, at least now we know that is out. Oh, this is the girl next to Guchi, in the blue.

Picture 9: We were all pretty worried about our last trains, but then we figured we should just keep drinking. They were all preparing for an "all," however I cannot fucking stay up past 3, so I cut out at 2. The guy that had problems graduating had his friend pick his ass up all the way from Kyoto, which is an hour away. I asked to be driven home, and my requested was granted, for $20. Hot.

He was going to a party, starting at 5am, which is when his old co-workers get off work. That means he will be drinking for over 12 hours. That's pretty savage.

                 

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Weekends_should_be_three_days..zip (2632 KB)

Today as I was walking away from my office, I saw a black guy locking up his bike. My first thought was, "The only person you have to worry about stealing your bike is yourself." Cause there are only like five black people here. My second thought was, "I should write this down so I can post it on the Internet." This is just sad on so many levels.

When a cute bird looks at you, can it see you best straight on, or when its head is turned, with the eye looking directly at you from the side?

It is hot as fuck in the office. Are Japs just so used to the heat that people don't notice that it's fucking hot? Today as I was waiting for a friend, I sat in a department store lobby, reading a book. It was air conditioned, and I people watched and read. That, I imagine, is almost as heavenly as being inside Vanessa Carlton, and I don't mean like a baby.

Oh hello.

While working on our company's website, I was looking at a brochure, and stood it up so I didn't have to hold it. Inadvertently, I blocked the girl sitting next to me, and it felt a little like I had a private office.
That's sad.

But what is really sad, and I feel kinda bad for even writing this, is this woman, unmarried, has a picture of two teddy bears on her desk. No other pictures.
Damn, that is sadder than Schindler's List.

Today I had to reverse look-up "conspicuous." I knew the word in Japanese, but not the word in English. That terrifies me.

Lately I have been farting like a muh fucka (do muh fuckas fart a lot?) and I feel bad for people sitting down in the train, heads right next to where my anus is expelling putrid gas directly into their faces like Zyklon B. Oh well, that is just one of the downsides of having to take the train.

The Internet, for some reason, is out, and that bothers me. I have to use my wireless USB thing, which is supposed to be 7.2, but is a lot slower than that. I feel like I am living in the past, or in poverty, which if you think about it is pretty much the same thing.

It is not a good feeling.