Anyway, in Japan we have shows that show weird Americans and their
shows. Tonight I saw some ridic bastards. One couple prided themselves
on being able to save hella money with coupons. They would buy out
grocery stores of shit on sale, and stock everything at their house,
where they had their own "convenience store." Like ten years worth of
soap and shit.

I don't know how much money they are saving if they are buying so much
they can't even use everything, plus they were morbidly obese so they
could probably save money by not eating 10,000 calories each sitting.
There was one incident where a store had a deal going on where you
spend over $50 and you get $10 off. They tried splitting up their
shopping into $50 increments, but were called out. So they went ahead
and called their obese friends and family to stand in and have them
"shop."

Granted, that's kinda cool in one sense, but would have even the
biggest nosed muh fucka shaking with shame.

Continued from yesterday. BTW: Do all people get just as dumb when
getting krunk, or are there levels of dumb? Like do nuclear physicists
get to the point where they are taking dumps on people's porches, or
do they just become like your average person, talking about Justin
Bieber and how great Steve Jobs is?

I was also wondering if super intelligent people other than nuclear
physicists and rocket scientists get mad that their fields aren't
being represented as the generic "smart" job. What if nuclear physics,
in the scheme of things, isn't so difficult?

What makes people (myself included) so ridiculously stubborn and
stupid after getting krunk? The other day, in Sapporo, I was having a
few drinks with my boy. We were going golfing the next day, so I
thought I'd keep it chill.

But you know how good plans always fall apart.

Around 2am, walking back after a "closing" meal of sushi and shochu,
we saw a guy around our age passed out on the sidewalk. We passed
him... and then walked back, because I had the sudden urge to kick
him. So I did, and then his friend appears out of nowhere demanding to
know why I kicked his boy.

The reasonable thing to do was to apologize.

But I had been drinking just a little bit, so I hollered at a move
known here in Japan as the "reverse anger," where instead of
apologizing since I was in the wrong, I started yelling at him about
how of course I'm going to kick someone who's passed out on the
sidewalk. *Note: I didn't full on kick him in the face, I just tapped
his feet a little. Apparently we shouted at each other until we
realized we were both tired and ridiculous, and went our separate
ways.

I didn't remember any of this, and woke up with a vague feeling that I
had gotten into fisticuffs the night before. My boy told me what
happened on the ride to the golf course, and you know what my reaction
was?

Who wouldn't want to kick some dude passed out on the sidewalk???

Just now, this asshole I knew from SC posted a status update about how
he woke up late and is in SUCH A RUSH, yet has time to post shit on
fucking facebook. Are you kidding?

Hot girls have a little bit of leeway in being able to obviously fish
for comments, but honestly, how lonely are you?

And I got defriended by him. Strikes, it's that dude who you clowned
on your trip to SC back in 2005. Had to do with a little girl you
dated and then broke up with on Valentine's Day.

When you are hung over, would you rather be really hot or really cold?
Being cold feels good, but makes the hang over last longer, while
being hot sucks cock, but sweating out all that bad shit alleviates
the pain much quicker. This is why people in Nordic countries are so
"cold." They are just nursing their hangovers and don't want to talk
because it makes their heads hurt more.

I walked by a store today called 3 Coins. Everything is 315 yen. That
is definitely at least five coins. That's like going into a place
called Blowjobs and then realizing it's a mortuary.

One of my biggest complaints about Japan: shit that should be open
seven days a week are not. I mean, it's great that I can go to Sushi
Zanmai and get sushi 24 hours a day, or go to Toriki and get delicious
280 yen yakitori until 7am, but why the fuck are libraries and gyms
closed one day a week?

*NB: I have to be honest with you, I have not joined a gym yet, but
the one I am going to join is closed every Friday. That's terrible.

There are two brothers I used to kick it with back in the day who
lived on the same floor of our apartment building. They moved out
years ago, but recently, the older brother moved back in (though one
floor up) with his wife. Are you joking? It's party time. Oh, I should
also state that I am also living in the apartment that I spent my
first five years of my existence.

Anyway, we were talking about all the baller houses around here, and
he mentioned that there are some ridic properties near the Shinsen
train station. I had no idea where Shinsen is. He was incredulous,
because the train station is a five minute walk away. After I got
home, I looked on a map, and he was not full of shit. My mind is
boggled how I could've not known about that area.

On my daily walk today, I walked in that neighborhood, and in addition
to a bunch of chill drinking spots, there were enough love hotels to
make me seriously question the problem of Japan's declining birthrate.
With all these love hotels and an attitude towards contraceptives that
is like the fucking Stone Age, why is it such an issue?

Now, for the depressing shit. I found this "park" today. How the fuck
does someone have the gall to call this bitch a park? I don't care how
imaginative or active a kid is, he/she is not going to be having fun
here. I mean, what is the kid going to do? After brainstorming like
Dr. Dre, the only activity I could come up with is a homeless weirdo
touching himself. Kids living in downtown Tokyo don't need depressing
ass "parks" like this because the concrete jungle is their playground.
When I was growing up I trespassed like a black man who robs people
and that shit was fun. This picture is more depressing than that
picture of the kid in Africa which the vulture behind him, ya heard?

I debated heavily whether to provide the link or to give some
background first. But after presenting the convincing argument to
myself that after seeing the video, the background does not fucking
matter, I decided on this format. Cimorelli is a band comprised of six
sisters. There are apparently eleven siblings in the family. My mind =
blown because are some of these kids adopted? Is the moms a practical
joker and for every other April Fool's, does she give out pussy to
strangers and then surprise the husband with a kid that's not his? Are
they half-siblings?

I raise this point because look at them. There are two that look as
white and Irish as anyone in that movie with Marky Mark and Matt
Damon, and then there are a couple that look super I-Tie, while the
other two are of indeterminate origin.

But really, it does not matter because check out that girl in the hat.
Can you believe she is fucking 12? I would feel dirty, but that is an
emotion that's just not a part of me ok. My girlfriend hit me the
other day for "smiling excessively" while watching this the other day.

Oh, check out their version of "Friday" too. It's hot.

I have a theory about lotteries. One can tell how big of an economic
gap there is between the rich and poor by lottery payouts. This
hypothesis is only based on the US and Japan, but think about it. In
the US, you have a lot of poor people. And these poor people are
buying nice TVs and cars because that is how they are, making them
even more poor, while there are many billionaires just hanging out,
sitting in leather chairs, watching grandfather clocks go tick-tock,
tick-tock. In Japan, we also have poor people, but they are not as
retardedly debt-ridden. And we have very, very few ultra-wealthy
people. About ten. Oh, did you know the founder of Uniqlo is the
richest man in Japan?

Anyway, the US has ridiculous Powerball lotteries worth hundreds of
millions of dollars, while Japan's biggest is ten million or so. That
is after ten seconds of research though so I could be off. Ten million
is nothing to sneeze at, but you're not going to be living that large.
A jet would wipe you out. And then where would you be?

*NB: However, when golfing, one can only stick with Buddy Light
because how many other beers can you drink all 18 holes and still
score fairly decently, and then go have more drinks with your friends
afterward?

I love IPAs. Especially Green Flash Brewing West Coast IPA, Alaskan
IPA, and Nectar IPA (not only because the package is yellow with a
bird on it). I know some of you are sticking your noses up and
screaming PLINY THE ELDER! DOGFISH HEAD 120 MINUTE IPA! Fuck you for
living.

The problems I face here in Japan with my divorce from The Prince are:
1. local stores do not carry shit, 2. the Internet has a wider
selection of course, but is shit even compared to the smallest BevMo,
and 3. shit is expensive as fuck. Let me elaborate:

1. Local stores, even where I am in downtown Tokyo, have a truly
limited selection of beers that I want to drink. One international
supermarket, National Azabu, carries Green Flash IPA, but that's not
all that local.

2. So I turn to the Internet for my beer purchases, which when you
think about it is ridiculous because why the fuck do I need to plan my
beer drinking long term, like I am mapping a campaign to crush a
foreign army?

3. Good beer is real expensive. For example, I can get a four pack of
Green Flash IPA in California for the price of one bottle here. What
the fuck. I mean, I guess that's not so bad; it's like drinking at
home with bar pricing, but for those of us without unlimited money, it
makes us buy lottery tickets.

We do have a little under 300 microbreweries here in Japan, but I have
not tasted a single IPA that I like. Which sucks, because a Japanese
microbrew is about half the price of an imported American one (besides
the ones that are imported big time, like Sam Adams and Anchor Steam).
Once I get a new fridge, I will start homebrewing, which will solve
all my problems except my excessive farting.

Lately I've been walking. Not carefree, leisurely walks that a
gentleman might take, but sweaty, exhausting affairs that bring to
mind all of the marches in the military that I've never taken. Instead
of taking a train, or a taxi to get to wherever I need to go, I pound
the pavement with my Reefs or Vans. By the time I get home, my feet
smell horrible. Like a goddamn dirty bomb. (Apologies to those who spend the time to actually create a dirty bomb.) And it's so hot and humid outside, who needs to pay
for saunas or steam rooms?

To replenish my dwindling fluids, I carry a Nalgene, which gets many
curious looks from passersby. But that is not that surprising since
people here drink so little water I find it to be almost superhuman.
At my old work some girls said that they get by on a 500mL bottle of
water a day. No wonder the issue of constipation is as widespread in
Japan as AIDS is in Africa.

Today, on my walk to get my moms some golf tees, in addition to
running into all sorts of ridiculously banging girls, ridiculously
banging girls who look like they probably sit around all day sucking
cocks for a living and so their hotness goes down at least 12%, dirty
gaijin, and sweaty salarymen, I saw a bunch of people eating instant
ramen in their cars. I found that terribly sad.

But then I came home, and ate a Clif Bar for lunch, by myself. That's
even more sad, I realized. Even an extreme introvert likes to eat with
people sometimes!